Thoughts in my head

As a kid I remember I had a few dreams of what I wanted to be when I grew up. I remember around the age of 6 to 9 my dream was to be the fifth member of Boyz II Men, then I later realized I was white and couldn't harmonize on their level. Around the age of 10 to 11 I remember wanting to be a professional baseball player and later a professional BMX racer. At the age of 12 to 15 is when I really started to focus on music, when I worked at a local radio station and that's when my goal was to be a professional disc jockey. This later fueled my desire to be a sports journalist, print or visual media it didn't matter.

I mention my dreams from my youth for a reason, did I achieve what I had hoped to? I can understand that at the age of 6 my dreams were pretty farfetched and surely unattainable. The likelihood of me achieving my goals at in my pre-teen years were also pretty minimal, it takes a hard working and dedicated person to become a professional athlete. I've always loved sports, but to be honest with myself I'm not a naturally gifted athlete. My dreams in my teen years were very achievable, I just think that I lost interest as I grew up. I saw that it was hard to become a Howard Stern type, with mass syndication, and I didn't want to be stuck in some run down radio station working Midnight to 4 am for the people of beautiful Pahrump, Nevada. Journalism has always been something that has been of interest to me. I've always had a passion for writing in any form, in fact that's what started me out in making music in the first place. As a child I would write all the time and became an extremely fast typist, due to my mother's keen understanding the power of the computer and the future it would have on the world. I question myself often though. I ask myself almost weekly if this is where I saw myself at 24 years old. Did I think I'd be in the Army, living in Germany? Did I think I would've ever gone to war and then be preparing to try my luck in a second? Honestly the answers are no to all of those questions. There are plenty of days that I hate the Army, for many reasons. The Army has a backwards way of doing things and sick way of treating grown men and women. As good as the Army has been to me personally I have also seen in wrong many others. The inferior practices and outdated tactics are crippling the military today, but that's a subject for a different day. My point is this: when I ask myself if I'm where I want to be in life, my answer is no. I don't want to be some run down old man telling war stories to his grandchildren and living off of his VA benefits. I'm a proud member of the Veterans of Foreign Wars, but I will not let my military service define me. I am too damn smart to be just another warm body. I have way too much to offer this world, to offer myself, to continue to be treated like an insignicant number. I know my mother objects to my decision, but I don't plan on making a career out of the Army. I just can't see myself doing this for 20 years. It's not even hard, it's fucking easy actually. It's just retarded in so many ways. I honestly hate being disrespected and being spoken to in a condescending manner and that is all the Army is. So this is my statement, hold me to it please, I will not be in this damn Army past my six year obligation. Sorry Mom.

The point to this blog was for me to explain what goes through my head on a daily basis, I promise I'll start creating some happy posts lol!